Phreak the Fanatic Jungler!
by Pork Eggrolls
Summary: Phreak wakes up and finds himself in Summoner's Rift where a battle is just minutes from starting. What will Phreak do?
1. Chapter 1

"Welcome to Summoner's Rift!"

Phreak groaned as the loud echoing voice rang through his mind. He blinked a couple of times and saw a dark, purple sky, and surrounding him in a circle were four strange creatures, some human-like.

"Thank god you woke up," One of them of said. It was a girl, drifting, somehow floating in midair, "I was afraid you've gone afk."

"We must all fight together," A man said with blue, bulky armor, "For justice!"

"Where am I?" Phreak mumbled. His mind was hazy trying to think of the moments that lead him to this place.

"Summoner's rift," An old man replied. He too was floating in midair with a machine that looked like a clock tied to his back.

"We haven't much time!" The girl spoke again, "The minions will be spawning at any moment now!"

_Minions, _Phreak thought. He blinked some more and gasped in astonishment. The girl levitating before him was familiar… That blond hair, those pointed ears.

"You're Janna!" Phreak exclaimed.

"Yes, yes," Janna said, "We heard you're a new character to join the league, which is good since you'll be OP for now."

"Minions have spawned!" Echoed the female voice. And before Phreak's eyes, little creatures dressed in purple cloaks magically faded into sight and marched in single file lines into three lanes in front of them.

"Time is wasting," Said the old man, and he floated towards the bottom lane.

"I'll come with you, Zilean!" Janna said, rushing towards the bottom lane as well.

"For Justice!" the man in blue armor cried out, and pompously marched towards the top lane. _Could that be… Garen? _Phreak thought to himself. But before he could confirm it, Phreak heard a little giggle coming from behind him and turned his head to see from whom it was from. The fourth and last creature, short with a freakishly large grin and little arms carrying bombs, ran off towards the middle lane.

"Sire, would you need a leash?" A strong male voice called to him. Phreak saw Garen has stopped in his tracks with a questioning look on his face.

"Er… a leash?" Phreak asked.

"With all due respect, we heard you were some kind of jungling fanatic," Garen said, "You should go clear out the jungles and get those buffs…. For justice!"

"Well, er, I've never jungled before," Phreak said. Although he had jungled many times on the computer, he had never jungled in real life.

"Very well then sire, you shall accompany me in top lane and slaughter those vile noxians. For demacia!" Garen cried, and charged up top lane.

Still quite bemused, Phreak decided to follow Garen. But before he could take a step off of the platform, a grumbling voice from behind him muttered, "Aren't you gonna buy anything?"

Phreak turned his head and saw a little hog in a blue hoodie.

"Er, sure," Phreak said, "I'll buy a Doran's blade, thank you very much."

He conveniently found just enough coins in his bag to purchase the item. Strangely, as soon as Phreak held the blade, he immediately felt stronger and healthier.

"I'll be off then," Phreak said, and ran off after Garen. The shopkeeper merely grunted in reply and went back to counting his coins and doing whatever shopkeepers in League of Legends do.

The battle has already started by the time Phreak arrived. Courageously but foolishly, the minions marched like drones onward, oblivious to pain and discomfort. They knew not how to dodge but merely fell by the numbers as the other team mercilessly slaughtered them one by one. There was a single enemy fighting with Garen up top. He was wearing dark clothes, dressed like a ninja with a vorpal blade tied to his back.

"Wait till you face domina-SHEN!" cried out the warrior. He threw his blade at Garen who barely winced at the damage.

"DEMACIA!" cried out his ally as he suddenly spun around in a circle, whirling his sword like a tornado, causing damage to all enemy minions surrounding him, but mysteriously passing through his allies.

"I will defeat you! I GAREN-tee it!" cried out the patriotic warrior as he slashed at Shen. However, just before Garen's sword impaled the ninja, a sudden shield surrounded Shen, taking the blow instead.

"I require your assistance!" Garen called out to Phreak. But Phreak knew now how to use his abilities. He simply ran up to minions and did the best he could by punching them.

"Don't auto attack minions!" Garen cried out, "Instead last hit them! I cannot see their jungler, Warwick, and he may be coming to gank us at any time. If we must push, we push with caution, for we do not even have a ward covering the mouth of the river."

Phreak nodded in reply and tried to see which minion looked weak. When he finally found one, he struck it on the head, and gold coins immediately exploded out of its body and magically flew into Phreak's wallet.

"You earned a lot of money from one minion," Garen said, striking more minions as he spoke, "In fact, you earned twice as much as one usually earns from a minion."

"Well," Phreak said, "I am the Community Coordinator of an entire company..."

"I see," Garen said, "Then that must be your passive! You earn twice as much money despite the fact you do the same amount of work, since you have a high ranking position. Use that money to buy weapons to fight for justice!"

Suddenly, Shen dashed forward and whispered something in Garen's ear. Phreak didn't hear what Shen said, but whatever the words were, it enraged Garen who then thoughtlessly continued attacking Shen.

"Wait, Garen! Don't be so reckless!" Phreak called out. But it was too late. Phreak suddenly heard a loud "awooo" ring through the air, and the next thing he knew, a werewolf jumped out of the bushes and leapt toward Garen, suppressing him and causing "tons of damage".

"Garen nooo!" Phreak exclaimed. The injured warrior tried retreating to his turret, but both Shen and Warwick were hot on his heels.

Just when Phreak thought Garen was a goner, there was a burst of light, and the blue-armored man suddenly zoomed forward a few inches.

"I had to use my flash for a tactical retreat," Garen panted, "But we're next to the turret, so we're safe for now."

But to the warrior's surprise, the two enemy champions did not back down. Shen taunted towards Garen, enraging the patriotic ally once more, and warwick followed suit, somehow running much faster and through minions.

"DEMACIA!" Garen cried out as he spun once more. But it was no use. Shen's vorpal blade struck Garen between the shoulders. Warwick kept lashing out at the warrior.

"Garen!" Phreak cried out. He lashed out at Warwick, but the wolf would not back off. Scratching, biting, howling, shoving, Warwick attacked for a few more long seconds before finally backing off as his health started to lower from the turret. Shen had backed off earlier, and was no tanking for the turret.

"You won't get away!" Phreak roared. He punched at Warwick's back a few more times as he ran away, and to Phreak's sick satisfaction, the wolf's back started to bleed profusely.

Just before Warwick fell however, a sudden barrier erupted around the wolf.

"What's going on?" Phreak cried out angrily. The next thing he knew, Shen teleported next to him, and Phreak realized that the ninja used his ultimate to save the foul beast.

"You-you-" Phreak angrily sputtered, but before he could land another strike on Warwick, Shen dashed towards him and whispered into Phreak's ears. Oh, how foul and horrible were the words Shen whispered. It was such a terrible insult that should never be spoken or written again. And such words blinded Phreak into a desperate madness, forgetting his vengeance on Warwick and causing him to recklessly attack Shen instead.

And the ninja simply cackled and shielded himself from Phreak's blows. And Phreak felt so utterly helpless, so utterly useless.

Suddenly, the ground beneath Phreak turned red, and before the man could understand what was going on, there was a loud explosion.

BOOM!

Phreak brushed the smoke surrounding him away. Miraculously, the explosion did not hurt him at all. On the other hand, Shen had collapsed to the ground, dead.

"How was that for an execu-shen?" A nearby voice laughed. Phreak turned his head and saw his ally, Ziggs from the mid lane, had come and helped him out.

"Ziggs!" Phreak cried out. And the man had never felt so glad in his life. He wanted to smile so wide that it'll even put Ziggs own smile to shame.

"No!" Howled a voice. Next to Shen, Warwick, angry at his friend's death, snarled at Ziggs.

"You want a piece of me?" Ziggs taunted, "Cuz too bad, for I am the bomb!"

And with that, the creature threw a bomb at Warwick, who dodged it.

"Not bad," Ziggs said.

"Behind you!" Phreak cried out to Ziggs. The enemy mid laner, Annie, has finally arrived, ready to kill as well.

"Warwick, go recall! I will take care of Ziggs myself. His ult is down!" Annie cried out, and with that the little girl threw a ball of fire at Ziggs.

"Ouch!" Ziggs cried, "Oh, you asked for it, girl."

He threw a bomb at Annie, who was too slow to react and dodge.

"Boom!" Ziggs cried out, "Haha, I can defeat Annie-one."

But the fight was not over yet, for Annie got back up her feet. She cried out a spell and a gigantic flaming bear suddenly burst out of the ground. Fortunately, Ziggs predicted Annie's attack, and flashed out of the way just before Tibbers made his arrival.

"Hey little girl, want a present?" Ziggs asked and threw some mines at Annie's feet. The girl tried to run away, but the bombs exploded beneath her, slowing and injuring her feet.

"Did you like that? How about another one," Ziggs said, grinning. He threw a pack of dynamites the little girl, who was still trying to get out of the minefield.

"What's this?" Annie asked with a horrified expression on her face.

"Heh, heh," Ziggs chuckled, "Why don't you C4 yourself!"

There was a final explosion. Annie collapsed lifelessly to the floor as well as Ziggs roared with laughter.

"You know what I call that?" Ziggs asked Phreak, "Annie-hilation!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: Well, I never really planned on continuing this story. However, it was slightly more popular than I expected, so I guess I'll continue it for now.**

**Have fun reading. **

* * *

**Chapter 2:**

Gasping, groaning, the dying warrior leaned back against his sturdy turret, his great sword laid on the grass next to him. He looked at the night sky. Oh, how beautiful was the moon, how pretty were the stars, the-

"GAREN!" cried out a voice. The fatally wounded champion turned his head towards the source of the voice and saw Phreak and Ziggs running towards him.

"Garen, we took care of Shen," Phreak cried out, "And we even brought down the Annie as well."

"Yes," added Ziggs, "Let's say I pun-ished them greatly."

Garen shifted his position a little to face then and whispered, "That is excellent my friends. Promise me upon our fellowship that you shall defeat our enemies…"

"What are you talking about Garen?" Phreak asked, "You're going to be much better. Any moment now, you're going to die, but then you'll be revived! Don't we always get revived from our nexus?"

"Not anymore," Garen muttered, "The nexus has been destroyed and rebuilt and destroyed so many times that it somehow glitched and lost its power. From now on, each game, every character only has one life, and the new objective is to simply defeat all of the champions of the other team."

"But Garen, you can't- you can't be gone forever!" Phreak exclaimed.

"Sometimes we can't have what we like," Garen explained, "But when such cases arise, we should simply like what we have. I am proud to spend these last moments with great companions."

Garen turned to Ziggs, who for once was no longer smiling.

"Farewell Ziggs," Garen said, and with a slight grin he added, "I will miss your pun-ch lines."

That seemed to cheer up Ziggs a bit, and the midget gave some sort of military salute.

Garen then turned to Phreak and rasped, "I know our time together has been short, but I see a great man in you. Well, I guess this is goodbye."

Phreak wiped a tear off of his face.

"I'll take care of the rest of them," Phreak said and held out a hand, "For justice?"

Garen clasped Phreak's hand, "For justice."

And all that needed to be said has been said. There was a silence as the trio waited somewhat awkwardly for Garen to die.

* * *

"Who else is left?" Phreak asked as he and Ziggs departed top lane.

"There's Warwick, Irelia, and Sona," Ziggs counted, "I suspect at least one would be at bot lane currently."

"Yeah, let's go," said Phreak, and the pair traveled down the river, racing to accompany the two other allies down at bot.

* * *

Zilean was in trouble as he struggled to hold his ground against two enemy champions. Irelia and Sona were pushing heavily towards Zilean's turret.

"About time you guys arrived," Zilean said.

"Where's Janna?" asked Phreak.

"Dead," Zilean answered grimly, "Warwick ganked her earlier and I didn't have my ult up."

Phreak cursed. He only met the girl for a short while, but she seemed quite nice.

"We stand a good chance," Zilean said, "our numbers are even."

"So what's the plan?" Phreak asked.

"I say we engage battle right now," Ziggs explained, "Warwick is not here, and they have pushed to our turret. We are superior in numbers as of now."

And with that the Yordle threw a bomb at Irelia, who dodged and sneered, "Great, another person who can use bombs."

Suddenly, a familiar howl rang through the air.

"Get back!" Phreak cried, "Warwick is coming."

But before Zilean or Ziggs could move, Sona played a sudden, compelling piece, and the two were frozen by its beautiful melody.

The vicious wolf dashed through the air, passing so quickly across Phreak's eyes that his form appeared as a blur. It attached itself to Ziggs and began to mutilate the poor Yordle. With its sharp claws, it snatched one of Ziggs arms and tore it clean off.

"Get away from him!" Phreak cried out at the sight. He lunged at Warwick, but Irelia knocked him out of the way. At the same time, Irelia, with lower health than Zilean, attacked the old man, stunning him again immediately after Sona's stun was over.

Phreak couldn't believe what he was seeing. His last two allies were completely trapped by the opponent, completely helpless as the other team savagely attacked them. And the Community Coordinator fell to his knees in despair. Oh, how worthless he was. How incapable, unreliable, useless were his skills.

And it was out of that feeling of desperation and self-hatred did his fury erupt. His life felt so meaningless that he no longer cared what happened to it. So what if he dies? As long as he could save his friends… As long as he can protect the lives that were worthier than his.

He charged, rather foolishly and blindly. But it was the pure unexpected stupidity of his move that caught the enemy champions off guard. He kicked Warwick away from Ziggs, barely breathing with his injuries and a missing arm. And before Irelia could react, Phreak kicked her too.

"Ziggs!" Phreak cried out, "Can you still stand? Can you still move? Run away Ziggs, I will delay them for you, for you must heal and live! Oh, yesterday I saw you as computer-generated, fictional character, nothing but a mere accumulation of pixels. But today, I see you as a friend, a brave, funny, faithful companion. Oh, if only we could not fight. If only that Warwick, and Irelia, and Sona were not our perpetual enemies. They could've been our comrades, as I consider you my great comrade."

So moving were Phreak's words that Ziggs forced himself to his feet. So poignant were Phreak's unfaltering tone that Ziggs strained his remaining arm to grab another handful of bombs.

"Simply touching," Ziggs sobbed, "But I will not leave you alone with the enemies. I'll stand by you, no, breathe by you until I can breathe no more."

The Yordle looked at the Sona, who was healing both Warwick and Irelia.

"You disgusting savages can take my arm! You can even take my life!" Ziggs croaked out as loud as he can, "But as long as I live, you will never take my friends!"

He removed his vest, and tied to his entire body was an entire suit of explosives.

"Ziggs," Phreak whispered, "What are you planning on doing?"

The Yordle smiled and replied, "Phreak, my friend, it has truly been a _blast_!"

Screaming, the Yordle lit all of the explosives he was wearing, and charged at Sona. There was a deafening explosion, and the healer was no more. But with the attack, so too did it take away the hexplosive expert.

And there was a momentary silence that seemed to last for ages. A silence of respect. A silence to lament the loss of a brilliant Yordle, as knowledgeable in puns as he was in bombs. A silence to remember the late Ziggs.


End file.
